Prince Hotel Oiso Triathlon Report; FURIOUS - プリンスホテルは超超迷惑！

CPはいい結果だったのに、ボクは深く怒った。大磯プリンスホテルは僕のブランドを使っている癖に、ボクを招かないホテルだ。プールの周りはダメ, 庭もダメ、そして駐車場ふれあいコーナーさえ、入れないと言われた。トライアスロン大会当日のこの小不平にみまわれた。ボクの選手CPは総合で４位！！！ になった時ボクは雨もりのする木造家屋（CPの友達の家）で迷惑な文鳥と遊んでやっていた。今日から皆さんプリンスホテルグルプは僕のブランドではありま せん。気をつけて！偽ブランドが多いですから。；）

I was so looking forward to taking CP to the Prince Hotel and Resort Oiso Long Beach Triathlon; a triathlon using my name and the ”Prince" brand to enhance. The triathlon was held at the Prince hotel, and I was looking forward to being the poster pup for the day. On arriving with CP I was hit by an absurd metoer of nonsense that poodles and other dogs were not allowed on any of the extensive grounds of the hotel. CP beckoned the General Manager, a pencil pusher called Suzuki, who showed no flexibility, and even called security. I fully expected my athlete CP to then walk out of the race, but he scandalously betrayed me and called a local friend in the village who picked me up in his white Mercedes. I spent the day under house arrest in a leaking wooden Bunchou bird house." Bunchou" is the annoying, yet cultured little Japanese white Finch. CP ended up taking 4th place overall out of 150 in mens division, but I do not care. Anyhow, please DO not visit the "Prince Hotel and Resort" in Oiso or any of their related hotels, for they are a fake and a fraud and have no relation to me or my Prince Pari brand or my Prince Pari foundation. Below is selfish CP and me freezing next to garden bird house in the rain:

Prince Inspires Japan Police Rescue and Promotes Rescue Training Camp. 万歳勇気プリンスとプリンスの救助合宿

最近日本の警察救助隊は人間界やら犬界においで一番素晴らしさ生き物はやっぱりプリンスのような粋くなり過ぎたトイプードルだという事がわかったようだ。記事によると警視庁は馬鹿な大きい警察犬は止めて、その馬鹿犬達は漫画喫茶t店で休ませてトイプードルを採用することにした！僕のトライアスロン合宿に加えて救助トイプードル合宿学校国際組織を設立する. 救助トレーニングはトライアスロンのクロストレーニングを基に東京地震を想定して、救助の練習をする。最終的に高過ぎる合宿代のおかけで僕大お金持ちの勝ち犬の生活を満喫できる！写真は山と海とジャングル救助隊練習です。​記事リンクス

As my popularity in Japan explodes , it has been reported in the Wall Street Journal that the Japanese police force have now replaced their rescue dog teams that hitherto comprised of dim oversized dark tuetonic dogs with small gallant poodles as inspired by the poodle Prince Pari ("I myself"). It is a great complement to me, and I am returning the honour by complementing my triathlon sporting academy (Team Prince Pari) with a poodle rescue training institute. I welcome my triathlon fans to particpate in rescue training as well for cross training purposes. Pictures are me in training across rescue disciplines for earthquake, sea, mountain, fire and jungle. I intend to be handsomley paid by the Japanese police force et al and make a wad a cash so as to retire next year at an age akin to a Greek police dog (4 years).WSJ Article Link

PRINCE NEWS: Prince Method Adopted by Olympic Gold Medal Q-Chan 高橋 尚子

It is now clear that Olympic Marathon winner (2 hours 23 mins) Q-Chan (Takahashi Naoko) adheres to the Prince Method© towards athletic performance. She appeared on Japan TV "Haran Bakushou" claiming her principal weekly runs are paced by her Poodle called "Lappi", just as she knows I pace my athletes CP, JW et al. As per my method, training with a poodle makes one feel good, run faster with improved form by mimicking poodle forefoot landing. Picture above is Prince training CP, and others are Q-chan winning gold, Q-chan with her coach poodle Lappi, and also Prince fan, and singer Yuko-rin with her "fitness" poodle.

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シドニー2000年オリンピック金メダル受賞者Q-ちゃんは愛犬プードを一緒 に走トレーニングをしているとテレビで語ってた。しかし、話を聞いてみるとその愛犬はの時はただ５km走るだけである。CPと僕はトレーニングの時は１３kmくらい走ってしまう。

PRINCE PARI TOP TIPS - Prince Hydration Technology and Great Speeches

Please admire the aerodynamic hydration system I Prince have set-up for bicycle TT time trialing in triathlon. This is the 1st time anyone has brilliantly combined the Profile© and torpedo bottle. Feel free to benefit from this Prince Method© creation, but only after donating Y10,000 per race used to prince@princepari.com on PayPal. The system represents 55 seconds saved in my hair dryer tunnel test over an Olympic distance race, and therefore value at only Y220 per second saved.

Anyhow, my favorite, soon to be married, and debonair handsome triathlete CP, has unfortunately pulled out of Ishigaki triathlon with a broken hand due to a freak swimming collision in Daikanyama pool with a dentist. I am very sad as I have spent over 200 hours putting him through my Prince Method© academy of swim, bike and run skills.

One trick I employed was writing CP an overall victory speech for CP to orate to Okinawa TV. Dashingly written even before he actually won the Ishigaki triathlon. This is an audaciously confident element of the Prince Method© ! I am publishing my speech below (in Japanese) as it would be a loss to the history of Japanese literature, should I not, even although it will never be broadcast by CP. Feel free to adopt my approach to race psychology by writing your own speech after donating yen to my Paypal account. It is not possible to translate my unique prose to English. Sorry.

優勝有り難うスペ
石垣の、ボランテアの皆サン有り難うございました。今日は我ながら素晴らしいレースができました。特に特に得意得意のバイク風のような走りが出来ました。いやあー本当についていました！！　私は偉大なるプリンス監督元、厳しいトレーニングを重ねてきました。今日はプリンスの戦略が功を奏しました。
偉大なるプリンス監督に敬意を表します。有り難うプリンス！プリンスパリは世界一の監督です。詳細はwww.princepari.comをご覧ください。実はこの後すぐ結婚式をするんです。僕の妻になるあかねにこの優勝をささげます。大会ドン記録が上がりました。また来年増々パワパワーアップ来ます。皆さん、来年も頑張ろうではないか！！アりがとう！。。。。最後に僕のヘア・スタイリストもありがとう。

PRINCE PARI: My Litary Works for 2011. 執筆中です.

The great dog Prince has announced an appetite for completing various literary masterpieces through 2011 – 偉犬プリンスは、今、執筆中です.
Prince`s genius as a coach and artistic director of triathlon execution, a debonair existentialist commentator on Japan, as well as Paleolithic inspired nutritionist has not gone un-noticed. He is commissioned to commence some 4 masterpieces this year。天才的な四部作を構想しています。プリンス​は：

I. PRINCE: THE 107 ZEITGEIST(S) OF TRIATHLON: Essentially Prince`s top 107 tips on podium medal winning in triathlon (5 in 2010)、i.e. How to take more for performance from a red wine habit , than a red wine habit can take from your performance!　プリンスメソッド ：天才的なトライアスロンと選手の生活方法を解説。107時代精神の秘訣です｡

II. KONNICHI-WA PRINCE: This is a work of cartoon brilliance that I Prince believe will finally destroy Hello Kitty© and the evil house of Sanrio© and replace it with the era of Prince inspired "Konichiwa Prince©". "Konnichiwa Prince©" sketch prototype is right. Picture is Prince peeing in Sanrio`s Kitty-Chan flagship fountain and below jumping 27 feet to avoid security. Sayonara Kitty...!プリンス​物語です。​プリンスはサンリオキャラクターに昇格​！ものだから​街のうわさではＨＥＬＬＯ　ＫＩＴＴＹは死んだらしい。

IＩI.PRINCE: THE POCKET MONSTER: A fictional work for submission to the Pokemon company. How Prince, intoxicated by bicycle lube metamorphoses into Purichuu©; "the must have" Pokemon of 2011" . A Pokemon to counter the evil Meowth cat Pokemon as pictured left in yakitori bar with Prince.　プリンス​物語です。プリンスは”プリチュウー”と言うポケモン​に変身​。

IV.PRINCE: A PICTURE BOOK - MY J-GIRL EXPERIENCES: I Prince am a victim of Japanese girls with ravishing elite poodle fetishes across Japan. I am compiling my photographs with these Prince fanatics, many of them in high school uniform! A bonus supplement on how to be adorable for the girls will be included.　プリンス 、東京逆ナンパ​絵本​。　女子高校生​のハート​を掴む方法！​

Please if anyone has ideas for Prince`s stories, triathlon Prince Method©, or wishes to boost my narcissism in any way, please write to prince@princepari.com. 私に褒め言葉を言ってよ。

PRINCE TOP TRIATHLON TRAINING TIP: THE ULTIMATE CROSS TRAINING IS FIGHT CLUB!!!! – プリンスのお勧め練習法:ファイト・クラブを結成しましょう！

日本語下。Cross training is participating in a different sport once a week as per Prince Fight Club© which is a superb Prince Method© way to enhance swim/run/bike performance. Basically for Prince Fight Club©, one rents a suspicious commercial basement and forms a Fight Club with friends, neighbors, girlfriends, colleagues and their pets. Fight Club is “no” rules street fighting that engages all muscles groups, slow and fast twitch alike and challenges flexibility. "Natural caveman from Paleo era onwards spent most of the day wrestling with man, big cat, dog or lizard" claims Prince. Prince picture (above) is Prince's Fight Club featuring Prince vs. friends: Basil-san (AKA* The Fox) and Evil Bastard Snowman-san. Here is complimentary video of Prince v Pig with flick knife. Fight Club is an outstanding fun and a bonding experience, with useful trauma that builds mental and physical toughness for triathlon and life... The Brad Pitt film of same name Fight Club, is likely to have been inspired by Prince Fight Club©.

時々、トライアスロン以外の練習をした方がいい。１週間に１回くらい。例えばファイト・クラブは、正直に言って、この方法を用いることを強くお奨めします。ファイト・クラブは同僚や友達、と地下室を借りて規則がない殴り合いをすることをお勧めします。トライアスロンでは疲れないような筋肉も１００％使えます。孤軍奮闘しましょう！

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Rota Triathlon Nov 2010: 4th Place for Prince`s CP but is CP actually SPIDERMAN?

日本下.... The Prince Pari athlete creation that is Chris Parry [CP], completed the Olympic distance race in 2 hour 19 min through the rough seas, mountainous and tropical jungle hell that is Rota Island, through 2 micro tropical storms, during the 17th annual Rota Blue Triathlon. The time was surprisingly faster than many of the historic winning times of past Rota legends: Matsumaru (JPN), Taro Shirato (JPN), Michael Trees (British triathlon record holder)...bizarrely fast and 4^th on the day! During the race CP "out-princed" 2 of the 4 professionals into 5th and 6th places; respectively former Kona Ironman World Championship 6th place finisher (Hidea Miyazuka) and Olympian Ayato (JPN). Results are here.

Pre-race and in accordance with the Prince Paleo Caveman diet principals, CP avoided the official "bad carbo" pasta party so as to enjoy local protein jungle kills; one Rota veal steak, a breast of Rota fruit bat and a bowl of turtle soup. All was washed down with one bottle of Maclaren Vale La Testa red wine Shiraz 1996 “good carbo” (99 points out of 100 from Robert Parker).

A fine tropical sleep in birthday suit ensued to sound of oceans from 8pm in the Valentio Hotel, until a shocking sharp leg itch that happened to be a monster hairy spider the size of a healthy guava fruit on upper ITB groin muscle at 10.03pm. Stunned by the spider and unsure of its venom, my CP awaited a possible impending death on his balcony for 97 minutes, while giving the monster time to exit. Later identified as the Wolf Spider, the monster was never seen again. “Venomed”, exhausted, and Shiraz marinated, Parry eventually slept several hours until race, but my Prince hypothesis is: Did the spider venom help? CP`s time greatly surpassed Prince`s expectations on this jungle course. Does the Wolf spider have a performance enhancing property like the hornet venom that so supercharged the adorable but average Q Chan (JPN) to unexpected Olympic marathon gold in Athens? Q Chan - Takehashi(below) drank the venom in a drink known as VAAM. Prince will now endeavor to create a foundation in his own memory to study the Wolf Spider venom and its sport educing properties. If the answer is no enhancing properties, does it then mean CP is Spiderman? Prince will be accepting donations (prince@princepari.com) for a one billion Japanese Yen facility next to the Ritz Carlton resort in Phuket, Thailand. Prince gives his congratulations to friends Yumoto, Shirato and Yasunori for 1st, 2nd and 3^rd at the race, but strictly recommends they join Team Prince Pari for 2011.

Race Report　ロタ島一期一会 ｂｙ Ｃｈｒｉｓ　Ｐａｒｒｙ　ｈｉｍｓｅｌｆ　ｂｅｌｏｗ.

温度に慣れるために三日前に島に着いた。それで、ロタ動物園に行ったり（七匹ほど！）、自転車で島を回ったり　(２時間)、観光した　(１時間)。それ以外に何もすることがなかったからだ！危なくて有名なロタをみた。競争の前日，選手が炭水化物をとるために“パスタパーテイ”に行かなかった。そのかわりに、ロタ島のコウモリと亀汁を堪能した。亀汁は塩味で不味いです。でもタンパク質のための食べた。８寝たが突然、怪物クモが足に乗っ来た。ベランダに飛び出して、い時間半くらい、クモが外に出るまで待ってだ。噛まれたら死ぬかもしれなかったが疲れと赤ワインを飲み過ぎの御蔭で結局すぐねられた。

プリンス監督によると競争の結果（４ｔｈ）は信じられないほど素晴らし。「たぶん、寝ている間に、雲に噛まれたせいで、身体能力が上がったのだろう。」　最近、プリンスコーチは僕がスパイダーマンになったと思い込んでいる。ちょっと面倒くさい。プリンス監督の期待は大き過ぎる。

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince Livid as Prince trained Chris Parry Takes Overall 7th Place at Showa Triathlon

Prince trained CP took 7th place out of 450 competitors at the Showa Kinnen Koen Triathlon in Tokyo September 2010. Results are here. Picture above is Prince pondering on his balcony with silver medal CP received for 2^nd in age group, but he was furious at CPs fall to 6^th place overall after 3^rd and 4^th places in recent weeks. CP used Prince's tripartite of methods (The Prince Method© of triathlon) in the 3 disciplines that will soon be revealed in his forthcoming book (Prince: Puppy to Demigod), a book that has been delayed as the manuscript suspiciously self combusted while in the dangerous volcanic island of Miyakejima last month。Anyhow, CP trained like a Spartan wolf, humored the Prince Method © teachings, and was powered by Prince Caveman Nutrition, and evening pre race red wine visualization, so why did he not get at least 3^rd overall and on podium. CP was 62 seconds behind 3rd place overall, 1/100th of a second behind 6th place and 1^st in age group.　Prince’s critique of CP's performance highlights where the seconds were lost:

• CP’s shirt zip was disgustingly and inexcusably open for race duration which caused flapping drag on bike and swim: 26 secs lost

• CP’s girlfriend (Nene) had selfishly not replaced batteries on her Braun girl shaver and CP failed to shave legs morning of race, -6 seconds for both swim and bike due to hydrodynamic and aerodynamic drags: 12 secs lost

• CP failed to follow pre-race ritual of receiving dashing power haircut, thus good looking feel good factor diminished: 11 secs lost

• Over carbo loaded on Okinawa pumpkin (again girlfriend's error in measurement) on evening before race and carried 230g of additional weight in race: 27 secs lost

Net effect was minus 66 seconds and no overall podium. However, CP was personally delighted and will publish his own race report on his website soon.

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince trained Parry takes 4th Overall at dangerous Miyakejima Tokyo International Triathlon

Stupefying Poodle Coach Prince Pari does it again as Prince coached Chris Parry podiums again with Overall 4th (below) at the Tokyo International Triathlon MiyakeJima, on a sulfur gas dogged live volcano island, 28th August 2010. There were 63 participants for this perilous 41.5km race and another podium for the only one coached by the seismic Poodle. Prince’s Parry was 8th out of the harbor swim section (actually a giant onsen) using the Prince Paddle Immersion Method©, 4th by end of bike portion thanks to the Prince Aero Curl Position© (wind tunnel tested), and then just seconds behind 3rd place using the Prince Zen Forepaw Stride Method©. Prince stated with usual French vanity: “ I cry myself to sleep at night in awe of my explosive genius and carbon fiber components”. Miyakejima island is 180km to the south of Tokyo. This jungle tropical volcano Island is mysterious, and a habitat that immediately spooked Prince's mood into suspicious melancholy with King Kong/Godzilla-esque monster visions. Lava flows have wiped local population out twice this century. While evacuated through much of last decades the island was the setting for the horrendous, yet paleolithic inspiring Japanese film Battle Royal (below right). The race was an easy 1500M swim around the over-sized outdoor onsen they call a harbor. Parry was out of the water in 26:30 and in 8th place. The bike leg is monstrous with 6 laps, each one climbing a volcano twice and descended down through narrow paths around black sharp jagged lava flows, and in a heat of 37C. By the end of the bike Parry was 3rd, but then as before, he blundered by missing a turn into transition and started run along wave beaten cape in 4th, a place he held after a good fight. Breakfast was strict Prince Caveman Nutrition Method© with one baracuda, one watermelon, 5 Okinawan beniimo and one carrot, all eaten 3 hours before race. 17 hours before race, Prince and Parry had a go at an 8 year old blended scotch whiskey (above Red Label) for pre-race visualization which proved useful. Prince and Parry are undertaking further research on its performance enhancing properties before a future groundbreaking report on aged blended scotch and triathlon. Prince recommends this race, the spiritual volcano and hails the kind people of Miyakejima, although he did read that locals feasted on the ubiquitous wild cats, and was disappointed not to find on offer at his ryokan hotel.

Prince Top Triathlon Tip: HIGH VELOCITY PISSING and MONEY

The debonair poodle Coach Prince (above) undertook a Port-a-Loo use count at the Izu Oshima Olympic Triathlon 2010. His survey elucidated that about 7% of participants (over a season of triathlons, a majority of athletes), rather than pissing at high speed wasted time (an average of 167 seconds) at the Portoloo in either T1 or T2 transitions. The folly as Prince states is that some of the same athletes had purchased Y500,000 ($5,000 USD) highly aesthetic bicycle frame sets to save them 60 seconds (wind tunnel estimates); Y200,000 aero wheels to save 90 estimated seconds, cumulatively Y4,666 ($50 USD) for every Olympic distance second saved (total cost/second saved) . A pissing stop (167 secs) is a scandalous pissing waste of cash at market rates of $50 per second totaling $8,500 USD. Those who say they do not piss at events should be pissing says Prince, if you drink enough to optimize performance on bike, sometime around T2 is normal, even with use of salt tablets. As a macho marking super poodle, Prince pisses around 60 times a day and is a global authority on marking method, marking placement feng sui and marking morality. The art of execution is teaching your inner urinary muscles to execute at high cadence and in aero position during high speed running, swimming and cycling. On bike, pissing at over 33 KM/H ensures clean bike and maximizes impacts on rear drafters. It takes 5 minutes practice every week. In Prince’s soon to be released book (Prince: Puppy to Demigod) under the chapter, Fast Bikes Stink, he outlines: the ethics of pissing to break up drafting cyclists; marking rival’s bike chain sets in T2 set-up (Prince was reprimanded at a Motegi race for this very offence); and, how to optimize piss by using a power meter. The book also comes with a pissing at Kona free supplement. Free extracts from book are on this site from time to time, for instance, please see extract labelled Lazy Bastards. 2 pictures above is Oshima swim start and prince waiting to observe lead swimmers` habits as they lead into Transition 1 (T1).