12 March 2010

PRINCE NEWS: Prince is Not an Overgrown Hamster * Prince's Website has been attacked by Serbians * New Logo Revealed.

Prince is terribly vexed. For whoever keeps logging-in and writing comments saying that Prince is not a triathlon super poodle but an overgrown geek Hamster have ruined it for everyone as Prince has now retaliated by suspending the ability to post comments on this site.

Also for some strange reason, an apparent gang of overly competitive triathletes and skilled attack computer hackers from Serbian and North Korean I.P. addresses have damaged the PrincePari website. Prince has tried to fix but resultantly only a few posts can be seen on the main page at a time now and to see older posts, one has to click on link called “older posts” at bottom of the page. Prince’s IT people are pursuing. Prince apologizes.

Famous Tokyo macho bad boy model, Japanese B-television drama punk gaijin actor, and now surprisingly dangerously chic advertising creative, and ace runner; Jack Woodyard has finalized the Le Prince sporting couture line brand Logo. The logo will first be used with the PrincePari Elite Racing Team at the Honolulu Triathlon this May. Thanks Jack, and I Prince will be posting on your illegally performance enhancing Zen meditation method soon.

Check out my Prince birthday poodle haircut. I was really happy about the cut and not sulking. By the way, and for the record, rodent hair, even that of the Long Haired Syrian Hamster cannot be styled in such a quintessentially poodle manner. Therefore no doubts about my pedigree are possible.

10 March 2010

PRINCE TOP TRAINING TIP: The Night Open Water Swim with Container Ships

Once you have learned to swim using the Prince Method and not the "stupid idiot" technique known as Total Immersion (see below on Prince’s method vs Terry Loughlin’s TI Method 12/09), competitive open water swimming then becomes all about “navigation, navigation and navigation”. Prince compels you to undertake a weekly 3,000 meter pitch black night swim around your local container port. In the dark water you pick up and learn a bat-esque mental positioning skill system to navigate between way-points, thus perfect for triathlon buoy to buoy swim preparation. Prince recommends his local Odaiba Container Port as generally there are a lot of drift items such as old nets and floating diesel cans that act as if the usual triathlon entanglement with other swimmers. Luckily the only boats which can get in your way are large ships which wash you off the bow with a significant wake wave and thus it is impossible to be run over and sliced up by a propeller the size of a small motorway service station. For this reason, ignore the ships, use the new swimming MP3 player made by Finus, stay in your endorphin trance music zone, and enjoy only the sudden surprise opportunities of body surfing down a steel hull from time to time. It is like being hit by a freak wave in every triathlon. According to founder of “the Lets Swim at Night with Container Ships Concept”, Prince trained athlete Jiro Kashiwagi comments: "one can also take comfort that the Japanese custom of whale and mammal harpooning is banned in ports". Never carry a marker light with you as this is contrary to international maritime treaties which states that only ships and land hazards can be illuminated. Once you have mastered the mental radar you will find on race day that you will never have to use TI’s “sighting” method (head raising to see buoys) again, saving you an estimated 176 seconds on a 1500M open water course. "Sighting is very anti hydrodynamic as one sinks and stops dead in water" the great poodle states. Above pictures are looking towards Tokyo from Odaiba container terminal, Tokyo; (left top) is Prince and CP in wetsuits waiting for pitch black, and (right bottom) is Prince and CP later that night, completely unseen swimming across a shipping lane. Prince concludes: "it seems as if you will die in the shipping lane, but the bastards just are no match for the Prince Method - go for it...."

07 March 2010

SHOCKING PRINCE RESEARCH: Cats Prove Faster than Dogs in Unique Wind Tunnel Experiment

Coach Prince Pari, the exceptionally clever triathlon poodle recently rented Subaru’s Gunma prefecture Yen 117,000 per hour wind tunnel to relish how much faster and aerodynamic he, a majestic poodle is, than his arch enemy, Kitty (‘a pathetic iriomote-shima mountain cat’). Picture (below) is of Kitty lashed to handlebars behind a cocksure Prince. Using Prince's time trial bike, Prince was shocked that Kitty’s personal cycling tuck position had a coefficient of CD.0734 less (i.e. quicker) than Prince’s aero tuck. This means Kitty would be approximately 137 seconds faster with same leg power (wattage) output over a 40 km bicycle time trial race. Prince was gutted and will now not be publishing the results in his new book “Prince: Puppy to Demigod”, under the chapter: “Poodles are Spartans” as his stupid master forgot to cut his claws before the experiment. Prince stated, “my claws were bleeding due to wind drag obstruction and one paw nearly blew off completely, and the only scientific finding from the test I Prince would give to athletes is if you (humans) don’t cut your nails on race day it could take 15 minutes off your 40km time trial potential and your whole hand risks blowing right off!” Subaru responded that: “our wind tunnel is not dangerous at the wind speeds of up to 43 km/h (or even 2 x that) which Kitty and Prince experienced”. A source close to the great poodle stated: "Kitty will not be appearing on Prince's website again, and clearly a good manicure could be the difference between a podium finish, and a DNF in a casualty ward as an accidental turbulence amputee ".