19 April 2010

PRINCE NEWS: Prince to Coach Team PrincePari for the 1st Antarctic Ice Triathlon

Video (bottom) is set during a sudden surprise miracle, yet horrific Spring blizzard attack across Tokyo in mid April; a time when temperatures should be quasi tropical. The blizzard was in fact so hard that Prince's face was bleeding after video interview. However, the miserable wretched freezing bitter polar temperature was also a dashing opportunity for Prince to announce plans on video to coach CP and others from the prestigious Team PrincePari to dominate the 1st Antarctic Ice Triathlon in 2011. Price's pedigree is excellent in polar regions having had the excellent idea to coach Mark Parnell in a refrigerated warehouse in 2009 for the Antarctic Ice Marathon. Parnell eventually took 3rd place overall. Prince states that he relishes enjoying the triathlon swim portion from spectator powerboat in his new goose feather pink polar jacket (above).

Bizarrely in the same below interview video, the Japanese in the park at same time seem to have welcomed this horrific polar-esque weather in absurd fashion; having relaxing picnics, and washing down umeboshi rice balls with dry sake. Prince is now without any doubt that Oscar Wilde's succinct contention that "the whole of Japan is a pure invention. There is no such country, there are no such people...." is correct, but acknowledges some further advances in metaphysical scientific philosophy are required to validate Japan's complete absurd non existence beyond all doubt.

15 April 2010

RACE REPORT: CP in Saipan Tagaman Long Distance Triathlon

PrincePari athlete CP (above) takes 3rd place in age group at the Saipan Tagaman Triathlon, but overall was well down the field and unable to compete with the 40 or so professionals competing for USD $100,000s. Prince stated that: the South Korean teams were so greedy for the cash that they drafted like a gang of traveling meerkats having overdosed on ginseng and scandalously went un-penalized by the judges. CP did however come away with a super dashing picture while visualizing the course to "the Final Countdown" song at sunrise. The picture was taken by the organizer KFC (nothing to do with chicken and a Colonel) and will soon be sported in Triathlon Trip magazine. Coach Prince will now be revising CP’s pre-race nutrition which as per scientific evidence has historically involved a bottle of Claret (8 hours before) and 1000MG of caffeine 2 hours before. Prince stated the result was disappointing and maybe CP needs more red wine loading but 18 hours before event. If anyone other than a multisport geek cares, the splits on a mountainous windy course in 29 degrees Centigrade were: 2,000M swim (39 mins), 60 KM bike ride (1 hour and 58 mins) and 15k run (1 hour and 15 minutes). Sam Gardner of the UK, an athlete not yet trained by Prince took 1st place. Prince wishes to add to his 2 athletes and welcomes Sam and others to join Team PrincePari. CP at medal ceremony for 3rd place in age group (right).

11 April 2010

RACE REPORT: Pissing Incident and Disqualification from 6th Place at Honda's Motegi Race

PrincePari trained athlete CP took 6th place out of the 100 athletes participating in the Motegi Duathlon but was then shamelessly disqualified. The Duathlon consisted of a 5k run, a 30k bike ride and a finish with a 5k run. This was on Saturday 10th April and at Honda’s state of the art F1 car racing circuit (left). CPs splits were run 21 minutes; bike 49 minutes and run 23 minutes. After shameless gloating about the near podium result vis-a-vis his team mates from team Venga Venga, he was ruthlessly disqualified for going outside an island pit lane marker on the bike track rather than inside. It is clear the time gained /lost would not have affected the 6th place. CP stated that he was so preoccupied in the starting preparation area with stopping his Coach Prince from his determined effort to mark all of CP’s competitor’s bikes with piss, that he failed to read the course instructions diligently minutes before the start. Prince confirmed that he did piss on at least 77 of the other competitors bikes and that he does have a problem with compulsive marking, but the reason for CP not understanding the course was not due to this, but the overly complex Japanese Kanji vocabulary and grammar used by Honda’s infamously right wing race directors in the directions to conspire against anyone not Japanese born winning.” Honda have not commented on this poodle’s advanced cynical theorizing, but the bike pissing incidents by CP’s coach may have been enough for his disqualification alone. “A pissed on bike is not a fast bike” as even quoted from Prince’s soon to be published treatise: Prince- Puppy to Demigod under the chapter and ignored taboo subject, When and When Not to Piss Yourself Racing? Others were also disqualified for same error as CP, and they blamed the distraction on the ubiquitous pit lane girls from sponsor companies (example above). On the way home Prince met this sponsor girl for shampoo that was so silly she had a tube of Loreal Conditioner sticking out of her head.