30 September 2010

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince Livid as Prince trained Chris Parry Takes Overall 7th Place at Showa Triathlon

Prince trained CP took 7th place out of 450 competitors at the Showa Kinnen Koen Triathlon in Tokyo September 2010. Results are here. Picture above is Prince pondering on his balcony with silver medal CP received for 2nd in age group, but he was furious at CPs fall to 6th place overall after 3rd and 4th places in recent weeks. CP used Prince's tripartite of methods (The Prince Method© of triathlon) in the 3 disciplines that will soon be revealed in his forthcoming book (Prince: Puppy to Demigod), a book that has been delayed as the manuscript suspiciously self combusted while in the dangerous volcanic island of Miyakejima last monthAnyhow, CP trained like a Spartan wolf, humored the Prince Method © teachings, and was powered by Prince Caveman Nutrition, and evening pre race red wine visualization, so why did he not get at least 3rd overall and on podium. CP was 62 seconds behind 3rd place overall, 1/100th of a second behind 6th place and 1st in age group. Princes critique of CP's performance highlights where the seconds were lost:

  • CP’s shirt zip was disgustingly and inexcusably open for race duration which caused flapping drag on bike and swim: 26 secs lost
  • CP’s girlfriend (Nene) had selfishly not replaced batteries on her Braun girl shaver and CP failed to shave legs morning of race, -6 seconds for both swim and bike due to hydrodynamic and aerodynamic drags: 12 secs lost
  • CP failed to follow pre-race ritual of receiving dashing power haircut, thus good looking feel good factor diminished: 11 secs lost
  • Over carbo loaded on Okinawa pumpkin (again girlfriend's error in measurement) on evening before race and carried 230g of additional weight in race: 27 secs lost

Net effect was minus 66 seconds and no overall podium. However, CP was personally delighted and will publish his own race report on his website soon.

06 September 2010

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince trained Parry takes 4th Overall at dangerous Miyakejima Tokyo International Triathlon

Stupefying Poodle Coach Prince Pari does it again as Prince coached Chris Parry podiums again with Overall 4th (below) at the Tokyo International Triathlon MiyakeJima, on a sulfur gas dogged live volcano island, 28th August 2010. There were 63 participants for this perilous 41.5km race and another podium for the only one coached by the seismic Poodle. Prince’s Parry was 8th out of the harbor swim section (actually a giant onsen) using the Prince Paddle Immersion Method©, 4th by end of bike portion thanks to the Prince Aero Curl Position© (wind tunnel tested), and then just seconds behind 3rd place using the Prince Zen Forepaw Stride Method©. Prince stated with usual French vanity: “ I cry myself to sleep at night in awe of my explosive genius and carbon fiber components”. Miyakejima island is 180km to the south of Tokyo. This jungle tropical volcano Island is mysterious, and a habitat that immediately spooked Prince's mood into suspicious melancholy with King Kong/Godzilla-esque monster visions. Lava flows have wiped local population out twice this century. While evacuated through much of last decades the island was the setting for the horrendous, yet paleolithic inspiring Japanese film Battle Royal (below right). The race was an easy 1500M swim around the over-sized outdoor onsen they call a harbor. Parry was out of the water in 26:30 and in 8th place. The bike leg is monstrous with 6 laps, each one climbing a volcano twice and descended down through narrow paths around black sharp jagged lava flows, and in a heat of 37C. By the end of the bike Parry was 3rd, but then as before, he blundered by missing a turn into transition and started run along wave beaten cape in 4th, a place he held after a good fight. Breakfast was strict Prince Caveman Nutrition Method© with one baracuda, one watermelon, 5 Okinawan beniimo and one carrot, all eaten 3 hours before race. 17 hours before race, Prince and Parry had a go at an 8 year old blended scotch whiskey (above Red Label) for pre-race visualization which proved useful. Prince and Parry are undertaking further research on its performance enhancing properties before a future groundbreaking report on aged blended scotch and triathlon. Prince recommends this race, the spiritual volcano and hails the kind people of Miyakejima, although he did read that locals feasted on the ubiquitous wild cats, and was disappointed not to find on offer at his ryokan hotel.