Prince Top Triathlon Tip: HIGH VELOCITY PISSING and MONEY

The debonair poodle Coach Prince (above) undertook a Port-a-Loo use count at the Izu Oshima Olympic Triathlon 2010. His survey elucidated that about 7% of participants (over a season of triathlons, a majority of athletes), rather than pissing at high speed wasted time (an average of 167 seconds) at the Portoloo in either T1 or T2 transitions. The folly as Prince states is that some of the same athletes had purchased Y500,000 ($5,000 USD) highly aesthetic bicycle frame sets to save them 60 seconds (wind tunnel estimates); Y200,000 aero wheels to save 90 estimated seconds, cumulatively Y4,666 ($50 USD) for every Olympic distance second saved (total cost/second saved) . A pissing stop (167 secs) is a scandalous pissing waste of cash at market rates of $50 per second totaling $8,500 USD. Those who say they do not piss at events should be pissing says Prince, if you drink enough to optimize performance on bike, sometime around T2 is normal, even with use of salt tablets. As a macho marking super poodle, Prince pisses around 60 times a day and is a global authority on marking method, marking placement feng sui and marking morality. The art of execution is teaching your inner urinary muscles to execute at high cadence and in aero position during high speed running, swimming and cycling. On bike, pissing at over 33 KM/H ensures clean bike and maximizes impacts on rear drafters. It takes 5 minutes practice every week. In Prince’s soon to be released book (Prince: Puppy to Demigod) under the chapter, Fast Bikes Stink, he outlines: the ethics of pissing to break up drafting cyclists; marking rival’s bike chain sets in T2 set-up (Prince was reprimanded at a Motegi race for this very offence); and, how to optimize piss by using a power meter. The book also comes with a pissing at Kona free supplement. Free extracts from book are on this site from time to time, for instance, please see extract labelled Lazy Bastards. 2 pictures above is Oshima swim start and prince waiting to observe lead swimmers` habits as they lead into Transition 1 (T1).

RACE REPORT: Pissing Incident and Disqualification from 6th Place at Honda's Motegi Race

PrincePari trained athlete CP took 6th place out of the 100 athletes participating in the Motegi Duathlon but was then shamelessly disqualified. The Duathlon consisted of a 5k run, a 30k bike ride and a finish with a 5k run. This was on Saturday 10th April and at Honda’s state of the art F1 car racing circuit (left). CPs splits were run 21 minutes; bike 49 minutes and run 23 minutes. After shameless gloating about the near podium result vis-a-vis his team mates from team Venga Venga, he was ruthlessly disqualified for going outside an island pit lane marker on the bike track rather than inside. It is clear the time gained /lost would not have affected the 6th place. CP stated that he was so preoccupied in the starting preparation area with stopping his Coach Prince from his determined effort to mark all of CP’s competitor’s bikes with piss, that he failed to read the course instructions diligently minutes before the start. Prince confirmed that he did piss on at least 77 of the other competitors bikes and that he does have a problem with compulsive marking, but the reason for CP not understanding the course was not due to this, but the overly complex Japanese Kanji vocabulary and grammar used by Honda’s infamously right wing race directors in the directions to conspire against anyone not Japanese born winning.” Honda have not commented on this poodle’s advanced cynical theorizing, but the bike pissing incidents by CP’s coach may have been enough for his disqualification alone. “A pissed on bike is not a fast bike” as even quoted from Prince’s soon to be published treatise: Prince- Puppy to Demigod under the chapter and ignored taboo subject, When and When Not to Piss Yourself Racing? Others were also disqualified for same error as CP, and they blamed the distraction on the ubiquitous pit lane girls from sponsor companies (example above). On the way home Prince met this sponsor girl for shampoo that was so silly she had a tube of Loreal Conditioner sticking out of her head.

PRINCE METHOD BOOK EXTRACT: lazy bastards!

"If you are a lazy bastard - You will excel in this sport" Coach Prince Pari Quote

The below is an Extract from my (Prince's) forthcoming book on the Prince Method®:

"Admirably, energetic and efficient people do many productive and selfless things but are utterly pathetic at the individual pursuits of marathon and triathlon.

It is those that have the desire to feel good about doing absolutely nothing for at least 97% of the day after one short (not long) high intensity work out that succeeds at marathon and triathlon.

What makes it worse is that the lazy bastard runners and endurance sports athletes in general feel smug about this, and that they deserve a 2 hour bath and to watch 3 DVDs with tea and biscuits just because they exerted themselves close to maximum heart rate while others merely emptied the dish washer. Road runners are the worst and that is why everyone hates them.

Prince Pari's research shows the recovery incurred by being lazy bastards from doing nothing allows for superior performance in their racing and daily 20 to 200 mins of high heart rate workout. The stables that create the current running greats from Kenya and Ethiopia have adopted this Prince Method® principle years ago. Even more radical than the East Africans method is that I Prince call on us all to down a bottle of claret a night for carbo loading and anti oxidants, ideally drunk in an altitude tent.

RunnersWorld magazine, which I Prince deplore, have however adopted (plagiarized) my thoughts in a published work called "RUN LESS, RUN FASTER" which proves what I Prince have always stated: "By learning the habits of a lazy bastard, you will be faster".

"Basically if you are not a boozing lazy bastard, have no cash for an altitude tent and are not a self righteous exercise fascist, get out of our endurance multi sports." Coach Prince Pari Quote

PRINCE NEWS: Sensationally the great Pinarelli Bike Company dedicate their 2010 bike to and after Coach Prince

Coach Prince is proud to hear that the esteemed world famous Pinarello bicycle company of Italy have branded their new 2010 $5,000 USD elite road racer the Pinarello Prince. This is another great honour for Prince, this website and the Prince Method®. Prince is now considering changing his official endorcement from Orbea of Spain to Pinarello and student CP may cancel order for 2010 Orbea Ordu. Prince has been frantically calling Pinarello all week to give his sincere thanks, has left many messages at the reception but has heard nothing back. When they call Prince back it is likely they will state " their respect for one of the all time great coaches blah blah blah.., and in particularly his revolutionary pedal technique (to be outlined in Prince's future book and soon on this website)". "Thank you Pinarello" says a happy prince below pictured on his powerboat in Okinawa.