PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince Livid as Prince trained Chris Parry Takes Overall 7th Place at Showa Triathlon

Prince trained CP took 7th place out of 450 competitors at the Showa Kinnen Koen Triathlon in Tokyo September 2010. Results are here. Picture above is Prince pondering on his balcony with silver medal CP received for 2^nd in age group, but he was furious at CPs fall to 6^th place overall after 3^rd and 4^th places in recent weeks. CP used Prince's tripartite of methods (The Prince Method© of triathlon) in the 3 disciplines that will soon be revealed in his forthcoming book (Prince: Puppy to Demigod), a book that has been delayed as the manuscript suspiciously self combusted while in the dangerous volcanic island of Miyakejima last month。Anyhow, CP trained like a Spartan wolf, humored the Prince Method © teachings, and was powered by Prince Caveman Nutrition, and evening pre race red wine visualization, so why did he not get at least 3^rd overall and on podium. CP was 62 seconds behind 3rd place overall, 1/100th of a second behind 6th place and 1^st in age group.　Prince’s critique of CP's performance highlights where the seconds were lost:

• CP’s shirt zip was disgustingly and inexcusably open for race duration which caused flapping drag on bike and swim: 26 secs lost

• CP’s girlfriend (Nene) had selfishly not replaced batteries on her Braun girl shaver and CP failed to shave legs morning of race, -6 seconds for both swim and bike due to hydrodynamic and aerodynamic drags: 12 secs lost

• CP failed to follow pre-race ritual of receiving dashing power haircut, thus good looking feel good factor diminished: 11 secs lost

• Over carbo loaded on Okinawa pumpkin (again girlfriend's error in measurement) on evening before race and carried 230g of additional weight in race: 27 secs lost

Net effect was minus 66 seconds and no overall podium. However, CP was personally delighted and will publish his own race report on his website soon.

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince trained Parry takes 4th Overall at dangerous Miyakejima Tokyo International Triathlon

Stupefying Poodle Coach Prince Pari does it again as Prince coached Chris Parry podiums again with Overall 4th (below) at the Tokyo International Triathlon MiyakeJima, on a sulfur gas dogged live volcano island, 28th August 2010. There were 63 participants for this perilous 41.5km race and another podium for the only one coached by the seismic Poodle. Prince’s Parry was 8th out of the harbor swim section (actually a giant onsen) using the Prince Paddle Immersion Method©, 4th by end of bike portion thanks to the Prince Aero Curl Position© (wind tunnel tested), and then just seconds behind 3rd place using the Prince Zen Forepaw Stride Method©. Prince stated with usual French vanity: “ I cry myself to sleep at night in awe of my explosive genius and carbon fiber components”. Miyakejima island is 180km to the south of Tokyo. This jungle tropical volcano Island is mysterious, and a habitat that immediately spooked Prince's mood into suspicious melancholy with King Kong/Godzilla-esque monster visions. Lava flows have wiped local population out twice this century. While evacuated through much of last decades the island was the setting for the horrendous, yet paleolithic inspiring Japanese film Battle Royal (below right). The race was an easy 1500M swim around the over-sized outdoor onsen they call a harbor. Parry was out of the water in 26:30 and in 8th place. The bike leg is monstrous with 6 laps, each one climbing a volcano twice and descended down through narrow paths around black sharp jagged lava flows, and in a heat of 37C. By the end of the bike Parry was 3rd, but then as before, he blundered by missing a turn into transition and started run along wave beaten cape in 4th, a place he held after a good fight. Breakfast was strict Prince Caveman Nutrition Method© with one baracuda, one watermelon, 5 Okinawan beniimo and one carrot, all eaten 3 hours before race. 17 hours before race, Prince and Parry had a go at an 8 year old blended scotch whiskey (above Red Label) for pre-race visualization which proved useful. Prince and Parry are undertaking further research on its performance enhancing properties before a future groundbreaking report on aged blended scotch and triathlon. Prince recommends this race, the spiritual volcano and hails the kind people of Miyakejima, although he did read that locals feasted on the ubiquitous wild cats, and was disappointed not to find on offer at his ryokan hotel.

Prince Top Triathlon Tip: HIGH VELOCITY PISSING and MONEY

The debonair poodle Coach Prince (above) undertook a Port-a-Loo use count at the Izu Oshima Olympic Triathlon 2010. His survey elucidated that about 7% of participants (over a season of triathlons, a majority of athletes), rather than pissing at high speed wasted time (an average of 167 seconds) at the Portoloo in either T1 or T2 transitions. The folly as Prince states is that some of the same athletes had purchased Y500,000 ($5,000 USD) highly aesthetic bicycle frame sets to save them 60 seconds (wind tunnel estimates); Y200,000 aero wheels to save 90 estimated seconds, cumulatively Y4,666 ($50 USD) for every Olympic distance second saved (total cost/second saved) . A pissing stop (167 secs) is a scandalous pissing waste of cash at market rates of $50 per second totaling $8,500 USD. Those who say they do not piss at events should be pissing says Prince, if you drink enough to optimize performance on bike, sometime around T2 is normal, even with use of salt tablets. As a macho marking super poodle, Prince pisses around 60 times a day and is a global authority on marking method, marking placement feng sui and marking morality. The art of execution is teaching your inner urinary muscles to execute at high cadence and in aero position during high speed running, swimming and cycling. On bike, pissing at over 33 KM/H ensures clean bike and maximizes impacts on rear drafters. It takes 5 minutes practice every week. In Prince’s soon to be released book (Prince: Puppy to Demigod) under the chapter, Fast Bikes Stink, he outlines: the ethics of pissing to break up drafting cyclists; marking rival’s bike chain sets in T2 set-up (Prince was reprimanded at a Motegi race for this very offence); and, how to optimize piss by using a power meter. The book also comes with a pissing at Kona free supplement. Free extracts from book are on this site from time to time, for instance, please see extract labelled Lazy Bastards. 2 pictures above is Oshima swim start and prince waiting to observe lead swimmers` habits as they lead into Transition 1 (T1).

Prince Sports Science: Carbo Load on Red Wine and Not Pasta!!!

Prince in July 2010 made a marvelous speculation in his bike and podering room (above). He reviewed 3 years of his athlete’s (Parry’s) training and nutrition log to discover that Parry’s personal best times and breakthrough training sessions were made following lavish red wine evenings. Prince postulated in Popper-esque fashion whether fine claret could actually, no matter how ridiculous it could sound, be a better pre-race carbohydrate source than pasta? An experiment started and over the following 5 days, Parry under Coach Prince guidance trained 11 hours on a set measured training program with a set nutritional intake. He rested on the 6th day, but during the early evening of the 6th day drunk 1.5 bottles of Chateau Mouton Rothschild 2006 (not a vintage year). A binge yielding 1470 calories of energy. This was accompanied by no other carbohydrate source, but lavish amounts of uni and ikura sashimi seafood for protein and omega 3 fatty acids. On the next day, 7th day, Parry ran 10 x 800M at Oda field athletics track Tokyo in 31 C during early evening. His average 800M time was 2 mins and 43 secs.

Parry then undertook a 2nd week mimicking the previous 7 days in terms of training/nutrition but with one exception in nutrition. The change in nutrition concerned consuming a large portion of pasta, diligently measured to 1,470 kcals of energy on the 6th day and no Mouton Rothschild. This was a direct substitution of pasta for the claret wine. The average 800M time was 2 mins and 57 secs during the same time of day, temperature and wind conditions. A whopping 14 seconds or 11% slower with pasta than with red wine under controlled conditions.

Prince urges others to try fine wine sources of carbohydrate and to share performance and wine tasting notes with him. Coach Prince contends the anti-oxidants, tannins and mind visualization benefits allow for outstanding legal enhancing benefits. Similar tests done on mice yielded similar results in 2006 and published by New Scientist periodical. Anthropological research by Prince also concludes that the paleotheic man also enjoyed red wine and that under an influential sports nutritional school of thought known as the "Prince Cavemanism”, red wine indulgence is encouraged. Exact breakdowns of splits, Polar heart rate data, nutrition and set weekly training is available to leading researchers seeking to replicate or falsify this devastatingly brilliant hypothesis.

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince Athlete Chris Parry Takes Overall 3rd Place at Tateyama Triathlon

Sublime Poodle Coach Prince does it again as CP (Parry) podiums with overall 3rd at the Tateyama Triathlon, Chiba, Japan on Sunday 11th July. There were 100 participants for the 25.75km race and only one coached by a Poodle. Prince’s CP was 16^th out of the swim section using the Prince Paddle Immersion Method©, 4^th by end of bike portion thanks to the Prince Aero Pose Position© (wind tunnel tested), and then just 12 seconds behind 2^nd place using the Prince Zen Forefoot Stride Method©. For more information on this competitive point ranking Japan Triathlon Union race, please click here: http://tate-tra.com/index.html. For CP splits to 3rd overall, and all results click here. Prince stated: “I contend there is only one triathlon poodle like me a millennium”. Prince also said he is indebted to the Prince Director of Triathlon Paul Flueron, a world authority. On the race execution, Prince said CP crushed the technical bike course and run (5k in 20 mins) portions, but navigated like a jet ski with no driver in the open water swim (750 m in 12 mins). Below pictures are of podium and CP with Japan's pro celebrity triathlete Yu Yumoto who took 2nd place in the other race (41.5km) that day. Yumoto shared his pre-race dinner with Prince at Prince's local Ebisu Korean nabe shop, and also credits Prince for his sterling result. More pictures to follow. CP's own race report is here.

Prince News: ADIDAS ATTACK and PRINCE ONLINE ADVICE FORUM

WICKED ADIDAS: Prince urges Team Prince and all who follow the Prince exemplar to ban Adidas. In complete caveman cannibalistic barbarity, a poodle-fur tracksuit (above) was recently launched by the circumspect German company (Adidas). It is obviously a Brussels/Frankfurt inspired European Union attack using Adidas against all things Poodle and Prince. The origin of this assault may have festered as a result of Prince singlehandedly damaged the Italian economy by removing his “Prince” endorsement to the "Pinerello Prince" elite racing bicycle (see previous posting on Pinerello). Pinerello is Italy’s dominant or only exporter. This has devastated sales of the "Pinerello Prince" bicycle in Prince’s sphere for triathlon theoretical dominance that includes: Japan (excluding Kansai), Saipan, the Sandwich Islands and Tanzania. Picture below, is Prince mauling down a random innocent Adidas fashinoista pedestrian he spotted wearing a poodle tracksuit. Prince later blamed the overly vicious attack on his raw liver diet as induced by the Caveman Diet for Athletes he adheres to (click link on Prince's Caveman Diet).


PRINCE ON-LINE FORUM LAUNCHED: Prince, the genius French poodle, a poodle of hardened Spartan brilliance and pedigree, not your typical vain surrender cheese poodle from France, has been poodle chosen and invited by the running establishment in Tokyo to be their adviser regarding advanced triathlon strategy. This program starts with a Prince Q&A discussion forum on their website “Running In Tokyo”. Please sign in to the Poodle’s advanced forum here

PRINCE TOP NUITRITIONAL REVIEW: The Caveman Diet and its Dangers

Prince recommends with caution the above book (top): The Paleo Diet for Athletes by a great triathlon coaching legend, but a coach who more recently has become a dangerous lunatic cannibal. His name is Joe Friel.

The Paleo Diet is a nutritional plan based on the ancient diet of wild plants and meats that various dogs and their cavemen habitually mauled and devoured during the brutal Paleolithic—a cannibalistic fleshy period characterized by poodle supremacy of about 2.5 million years duration that ended around 10,000 years ago with the development of agriculture and the invention of the dog leash. Prince`s hypothosis is that Friel’s (a triathlon coach`s) anthropological over study of this period made him overly ravenous for red meat and later insane.

However Friel, in the early part of his book is able to explain beautifully and succinctly how such “original man/dog” foods (pre agriculture and animal domestication) help athletic performance. Unfortunately, then the book meanders on unnecessarily, distorted by Friel`s possible dependence on beef jerkie and months living in a gooseberry bush, through 370 pages of nonsense: on topics such as cavedog family values, that man descended from gowa fruit, and why Hello Kitty and friends need to be ethnically cleansed from America. By the end of the book, Friel has become unstable, rabid and unstoppable as he advocates an irrevocable modern and violent return to Amazonian style cannibalism as described in his favorite 1980 film Cannibal Holocaust (right). Friel at an unknown location (above left)

Prince therefore summarizes the diet’s key points succinctly together with his views. Thanks to Prince there will be no need for anyone to ever risk their sanity and family`s safety by buying or reading this disturbing, but at times brilliant work. Prince`s unabridged summary on Friel’s nutritional advice for athletes less his savagery and witchcraft is below:

1. Eat as much lean meat (pref. fish and chicken) as you wish for protein. Picture right is a famous Paleolithic woman (Princess Mononoke) riding white poodle while hunting forest baby meat.

2. Eat no bread, no pasta and no bad carbs generally

3. Instead of bad carbs, enjoy vegetables, fruit, roots, and nuts for carbohydrate intake, and eat as much as you wish.

4. Dedicate your life to excluding all grains, legumes, dairy products, salt, refined sugar, and processed oils (no exceptions)

5. Prince’s modification of Friel's diet is red wine consumption. Prince’s anthropological research has clearly identified red wine on cave wall drawings as drawn by cavemen who clearly drank red wine and probably a bottle a day.

6. The result for Prince and his athletes is weight loss, muscle gain, instant recovery from workouts, ability to train up to 15 hours a week without breakdown, crushing performances over rivals, an inability to stop boasting, and magical red wine induced race visualization and imagery.

For those who do wish to read book in full, please be warned. Prince like Friel has developed a sudden desire for fresh red meat without care for those living beings in close vicinity. Only last evening CP was awoken to find the great poodle gnawing flesh from his open cycle wound.

On a pleasant final note, Paleo dishes are also delicious. Picture above is Prince together with celeb Chef Gordon Ramsey donning a Cordon Bleu apron and preparing a caveman compliant Filet Mignon salad; one to be washed down by a superb Lafitte Bordeaux '97.