07 March 2010

SHOCKING PRINCE RESEARCH: Cats Prove Faster than Dogs in Unique Wind Tunnel Experiment

Coach Prince Pari, the exceptionally clever triathlon poodle recently rented Subaru’s Gunma prefecture Yen 117,000 per hour wind tunnel to relish how much faster and aerodynamic he, a majestic poodle is, than his arch enemy, Kitty (‘a pathetic iriomote-shima mountain cat’). Picture (below) is of Kitty lashed to handlebars behind a cocksure Prince. Using Prince's time trial bike, Prince was shocked that Kitty’s personal cycling tuck position had a coefficient of CD.0734 less (i.e. quicker) than Prince’s aero tuck. This means Kitty would be approximately 137 seconds faster with same leg power (wattage) output over a 40 km bicycle time trial race. Prince was gutted and will now not be publishing the results in his new book “Prince: Puppy to Demigod”, under the chapter: “Poodles are Spartans” as his stupid master forgot to cut his claws before the experiment. Prince stated, “my claws were bleeding due to wind drag obstruction and one paw nearly blew off completely, and the only scientific finding from the test I Prince would give to athletes is if you (humans) don’t cut your nails on race day it could take 15 minutes off your 40km time trial potential and your whole hand risks blowing right off!” Subaru responded that: “our wind tunnel is not dangerous at the wind speeds of up to 43 km/h (or even 2 x that) which Kitty and Prince experienced”. A source close to the great poodle stated: "Kitty will not be appearing on Prince's website again, and clearly a good manicure could be the difference between a podium finish, and a DNF in a casualty ward as an accidental turbulence amputee ".

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