王子巴里

Prince Inspires Japan Police Rescue and Promotes Rescue Training Camp. 万歳勇気プリンスとプリンスの救助合宿

2011-12-13T23:12:00.000-08:00

最近日本の警察救助隊は人間界やら犬界においで一番素晴らしさ生き物はやっぱりプリンスのような粋くなり過ぎたトイプードルだという事がわかったようだ。記事によると警視庁は馬鹿な大きい警察犬は止めて、その馬鹿犬達は漫画喫茶t店で休ませてトイプードルを採用することにした！僕のトライアスロン合宿に加えて救助トイプードル合宿学校国際組織を設立する. 救助トレーニングはトライアスロンのクロストレーニングを基に東京地震を想定して、救助の練習をする。最終的に高過ぎる合宿代のおかけで僕大お金持ちの勝ち犬の生活を満喫できる！写真は山と海とジャングル救助隊練習です。記事リンクス

As my popularity in Japan explodes , it has been reported in the Wall Street Journal that the Japanese police force have now replaced their rescue dog teams that hitherto comprised of dim oversized dark tuetonic dogs with small gallant poodles as inspired by the poodle Prince Pari ("I myself"). It is a great complement to me, and I am returning the honour by complementing my triathlon sporting academy (Team Prince Pari) with a poodle rescue training institute. I welcome my triathlon fans to particpate in rescue training as well for cross training purposes. Pictures are me in training across rescue disciplines for earthquake, sea, mountain, fire and jungle. I intend to be handsomley paid by the Japanese police force et al and make a wad a cash so as to retire next year at an age akin to a Greek police dog (4 years).WSJ Article Link

PRINCE NEWS: Prince Method Adopted by Olympic Gold Medal Q-Chan 高橋尚子

2011-05-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

It is now clear that Olympic Marathon winner (2 hours 23 mins) Q-Chan (Takahashi Naoko) adheres to the Prince Method© towards athletic performance. She appeared on Japan TV "Haran Bakushou" claiming her principal weekly runs are paced by her Poodle called "Lappi", just as she knows I pace my athletes CP, JW et al. As per my method, training with a poodle makes one feel good, run faster with improved form by mimicking poodle forefoot landing. Picture above is Prince training CP, and others are Q-chan winning gold, Q-chan with her coach poodle Lappi, and also Prince fan, and singer Yuko-rin with her "fitness" poodle.

シドニー2000年オリンピック金メダル受賞者Q-ちゃんは愛犬プードを一緒に走トレーニングをしているとテレビで語ってた。しかし、話を聞いてみるとその愛犬はの時はただ５km走るだけである。CPと僕はトレーニングの時は１３kmくらい走ってしまう。

PRINCE PARI TOP TIPS - Prince Hydration Technology and Great Speeches

2011-04-06T23:01:00.000-07:00

Please admire the aerodynamic hydration system I Prince have set-up for bicycle TT time trialing in triathlon. This is the 1st time anyone has brilliantly combined the Profile© and torpedo bottle. Feel free to benefit from this Prince Method© creation, but only after donating Y10,000 per race used to prince@princepari.com on PayPal. The system represents 55 seconds saved in my hair dryer tunnel test over an Olympic distance race, and therefore value at only Y220 per second saved.

Anyhow, my favorite, soon to be married, and debonair handsome triathlete CP, has unfortunately pulled out of Ishigaki triathlon with a broken hand due to a freak swimming collision in Daikanyama pool with a dentist. I am very sad as I have spent over 200 hours putting him through my Prince Method© academy of swim, bike and run skills.

One trick I employed was writing CP an overall victory speech for CP to orate to Okinawa TV. Dashingly written even before he actually won the Ishigaki triathlon. This is an audaciously confident element of the Prince Method© ! I am publishing my speech below (in Japanese) as it would be a loss to the history of Japanese literature, should I not, even although it will never be broadcast by CP. Feel free to adopt my approach to race psychology by writing your own speech after donating yen to my Paypal account. It is not possible to translate my unique prose to English. Sorry.

優勝有り難うスペ
石垣の、ボランテアの皆サン有り難うございました。今日は我ながら素晴らしいレースができました。特に特に得意得意のバイク風のような走りが出来ました。いやあー本当についていました！！　私は偉大なるプリンス監督元、厳しいトレーニングを重ねてきました。今日はプリンスの戦略が功を奏しました。
偉大なるプリンス監督に敬意を表します。有り難うプリンス！プリンスパリは世界一の監督です。詳細はwww.princepari.comをご覧ください。実はこの後すぐ結婚式をするんです。僕の妻になるあかねにこの優勝をささげます。大会ドン記録が上がりました。また来年増々パワパワーアップ来ます。皆さん、来年も頑張ろうではないか！！アりがとう！。。。。最後に僕のヘア・スタイリストもありがとう。

PRINCE PARI: My Litary Works for 2011. 執筆中です.

2011-01-03T02:36:00.000-08:00

The great dog Prince has announced an appetite for completing various literary masterpieces through 2011 – 偉犬プリンスは、今、執筆中です.
Prince`s genius as a coach and artistic director of triathlon execution, a debonair existentialist commentator on Japan, as well as Paleolithic inspired nutritionist has not gone un-noticed. He is commissioned to commence some 4 masterpieces this year。天才的な四部作を構想しています。プリンスは：

I. PRINCE: THE 107 ZEITGEIST(S) OF TRIATHLON: Essentially Prince`s top 107 tips on podium medal winning in triathlon (5 in 2010)、i.e. How to take more for performance from a red wine habit , than a red wine habit can take from your performance!　プリンスメソッド：天才的なトライアスロンと選手の生活方法を解説。107時代精神の秘訣です｡

II. KONNICHI-WA PRINCE: This is a work of cartoon brilliance that I Prince believe will finally destroy Hello Kitty© and the evil house of Sanrio© and replace it with the era of Prince inspired "Konichiwa Prince©". "Konnichiwa Prince©" sketch prototype is right. Picture is Prince peeing in Sanrio`s Kitty-Chan flagship fountain and below jumping 27 feet to avoid security. Sayonara Kitty...!プリンス物語です。プリンスはサンリオキャラクターに昇格！ものだから街のうわさではＨＥＬＬＯ　ＫＩＴＴＹは死んだらしい。

IＩI.PRINCE: THE POCKET MONSTER: A fictional work for submission to the Pokemon company. How Prince, intoxicated by bicycle lube metamorphoses into Purichuu©; "the must have" Pokemon of 2011" . A Pokemon to counter the evil Meowth cat Pokemon as pictured left in yakitori bar with Prince.　プリンス物語です。プリンスは”プリチュウー”と言うポケモンに変身。

IV.PRINCE: A PICTURE BOOK - MY J-GIRL EXPERIENCES: I Prince am a victim of Japanese girls with ravishing elite poodle fetishes across Japan. I am compiling my photographs with these Prince fanatics, many of them in high school uniform! A bonus supplement on how to be adorable for the girls will be included.　プリンス、東京逆ナンパ絵本。　女子高校生のハートを掴む方法！

Please if anyone has ideas for Prince`s stories, triathlon Prince Method©, or wishes to boost my narcissism in any way, please write to prince@princepari.com. 私に褒め言葉を言ってよ。

PRINCE TOP TRIATHLON TRAINING TIP: THE ULTIMATE CROSS TRAINING IS FIGHT CLUB!!!! – プリンスのお勧め練習法:ファイト・クラブを結成しましょう！

2010-12-15T02:37:00.000-08:00

日本語下。Cross training is participating in a different sport once a week as per Prince Fight Club© which is a superb Prince Method© way to enhance swim/run/bike performance. Basically for Prince Fight Club©, one rents a suspicious commercial basement and forms a Fight Club with friends, neighbors, girlfriends, colleagues and their pets. Fight Club is “no” rules street fighting that engages all muscles groups, slow and fast twitch alike and challenges flexibility. "Natural caveman from Paleo era onwards spent most of the day wrestling with man, big cat, dog or lizard" claims Prince. Prince picture (above) is Prince's Fight Club featuring Prince vs. friends: Basil-san (AKA* The Fox) and Evil Bastard Snowman-san. Here is complimentary video of Prince v Pig with flick knife. Fight Club is an outstanding fun and a bonding experience, with useful trauma that builds mental and physical toughness for triathlon and life... The Brad Pitt film of same name Fight Club, is likely to have been inspired by Prince Fight Club©.

時々、トライアスロン以外の練習をした方がいい。１週間に１回くらい。例えばファイト・クラブは、正直に言って、この方法を用いることを強くお奨めします。ファイト・クラブは同僚や友達、と地下室を借りて規則がない殴り合いをすることをお勧めします。トライアスロンでは疲れないような筋肉も１００％使えます。孤軍奮闘しましょう！

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Rota Triathlon Nov 2010: 4th Place for Prince`s CP but is CP actually SPIDERMAN?

2010-11-26T01:13:00.000-08:00

日本下.... The Prince Pari athlete creation that is Chris Parry [CP], completed the Olympic distance race in 2 hour 19 min through the rough seas, mountainous and tropical jungle hell that is Rota Island, through 2 micro tropical storms, during the 17th annual Rota Blue Triathlon. The time was surprisingly faster than many of the historic winning times of past Rota legends: Matsumaru (JPN), Taro Shirato (JPN), Michael Trees (British triathlon record holder)...bizarrely fast and 4^th on the day! During the race CP "out-princed" 2 of the 4 professionals into 5th and 6th places; respectively former Kona Ironman World Championship 6th place finisher (Hidea Miyazuka) and Olympian Ayato (JPN). Results are here.

Pre-race and in accordance with the Prince Paleo Caveman diet principals, CP avoided the official "bad carbo" pasta party so as to enjoy local protein jungle kills; one Rota veal steak, a breast of Rota fruit bat and a bowl of turtle soup. All was washed down with one bottle of Maclaren Vale La Testa red wine Shiraz 1996 “good carbo” (99 points out of 100 from Robert Parker).

A fine tropical sleep in birthday suit ensued to sound of oceans from 8pm in the Valentio Hotel, until a shocking sharp leg itch that happened to be a monster hairy spider the size of a healthy guava fruit on upper ITB groin muscle at 10.03pm. Stunned by the spider and unsure of its venom, my CP awaited a possible impending death on his balcony for 97 minutes, while giving the monster time to exit. Later identified as the Wolf Spider, the monster was never seen again. “Venomed”, exhausted, and Shiraz marinated, Parry eventually slept several hours until race, but my Prince hypothesis is: Did the spider venom help? CP`s time greatly surpassed Prince`s expectations on this jungle course. Does the Wolf spider have a performance enhancing property like the hornet venom that so supercharged the adorable but average Q Chan (JPN) to unexpected Olympic marathon gold in Athens? Q Chan - Takehashi(below) drank the venom in a drink known as VAAM. Prince will now endeavor to create a foundation in his own memory to study the Wolf Spider venom and its sport educing properties. If the answer is no enhancing properties, does it then mean CP is Spiderman? Prince will be accepting donations (prince@princepari.com) for a one billion Japanese Yen facility next to the Ritz Carlton resort in Phuket, Thailand. Prince gives his congratulations to friends Yumoto, Shirato and Yasunori for 1st, 2nd and 3^rd at the race, but strictly recommends they join Team Prince Pari for 2011.

Race Report　ロタ島一期一会ｂｙ Ｃｈｒｉｓ　Ｐａｒｒｙ　ｈｉｍｓｅｌｆ　ｂｅｌｏｗ.

温度に慣れるために三日前に島に着いた。それで、ロタ動物園に行ったり（七匹ほど！）、自転車で島を回ったり　(２時間)、観光した　(１時間)。それ以外に何もすることがなかったからだ！危なくて有名なロタをみた。競争の前日，選手が炭水化物をとるために“パスタパーテイ”に行かなかった。そのかわりに、ロタ島のコウモリと亀汁を堪能した。亀汁は塩味で不味いです。でもタンパク質のための食べた。８寝たが突然、怪物クモが足に乗っ来た。ベランダに飛び出して、い時間半くらい、クモが外に出るまで待ってだ。噛まれたら死ぬかもしれなかったが疲れと赤ワインを飲み過ぎの御蔭で結局すぐねられた。

プリンス監督によると競争の結果（４ｔｈ）は信じられないほど素晴らし。「たぶん、寝ている間に、雲に噛まれたせいで、身体能力が上がったのだろう。」　最近、プリンスコーチは僕がスパイダーマンになったと思い込んでいる。ちょっと面倒くさい。プリンス監督の期待は大き過ぎる。

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince Livid as Prince trained Chris Parry Takes Overall 7th Place at Showa Triathlon

2010-09-30T22:04:00.001-07:00

Prince trained CP took 7th place out of 450 competitors at the Showa Kinnen Koen Triathlon in Tokyo September 2010. Results are here. Picture above is Prince pondering on his balcony with silver medal CP received for 2^nd in age group, but he was furious at CPs fall to 6^th place overall after 3^rd and 4^th places in recent weeks. CP used Prince's tripartite of methods (The Prince Method© of triathlon) in the 3 disciplines that will soon be revealed in his forthcoming book (Prince: Puppy to Demigod), a book that has been delayed as the manuscript suspiciously self combusted while in the dangerous volcanic island of Miyakejima last month。Anyhow, CP trained like a Spartan wolf, humored the Prince Method © teachings, and was powered by Prince Caveman Nutrition, and evening pre race red wine visualization, so why did he not get at least 3^rd overall and on podium. CP was 62 seconds behind 3rd place overall, 1/100th of a second behind 6th place and 1^st in age group.　Prince’s critique of CP's performance highlights where the seconds were lost:

CP’s shirt zip was disgustingly and inexcusably open for race duration which caused flapping drag on bike and swim: 26 secs lost

CP’s girlfriend (Nene) had selfishly not replaced batteries on her Braun girl shaver and CP failed to shave legs morning of race, -6 seconds for both swim and bike due to hydrodynamic and aerodynamic drags: 12 secs lost

CP failed to follow pre-race ritual of receiving dashing power haircut, thus good looking feel good factor diminished: 11 secs lost

Over carbo loaded on Okinawa pumpkin (again girlfriend's error in measurement) on evening before race and carried 230g of additional weight in race: 27 secs lost

Net effect was minus 66 seconds and no overall podium. However, CP was personally delighted and will publish his own race report on his website soon.

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince trained Parry takes 4th Overall at dangerous Miyakejima Tokyo International Triathlon

2010-09-06T23:10:00.000-07:00

Stupefying Poodle Coach Prince Pari does it again as Prince coached Chris Parry podiums again with Overall 4th (below) at the Tokyo International Triathlon MiyakeJima, on a sulfur gas dogged live volcano island, 28th August 2010. There were 63 participants for this perilous 41.5km race and another podium for the only one coached by the seismic Poodle. Prince’s Parry was 8th out of the harbor swim section (actually a giant onsen) using the Prince Paddle Immersion Method©, 4th by end of bike portion thanks to the Prince Aero Curl Position© (wind tunnel tested), and then just seconds behind 3rd place using the Prince Zen Forepaw Stride Method©. Prince stated with usual French vanity: “ I cry myself to sleep at night in awe of my explosive genius and carbon fiber components”. Miyakejima island is 180km to the south of Tokyo. This jungle tropical volcano Island is mysterious, and a habitat that immediately spooked Prince's mood into suspicious melancholy with King Kong/Godzilla-esque monster visions. Lava flows have wiped local population out twice this century. While evacuated through much of last decades the island was the setting for the horrendous, yet paleolithic inspiring Japanese film Battle Roy a l (below right). The race was an easy 1500M swim around the over-sized outdoor onsen they call a harbor. Parry was out of the water in 26:30 and in 8th place. The bike leg is monstrous with 6 laps, each one climbing a volcano twice and descended down through narrow paths around black sharp jagged lava flows, and in a heat of 37C. By the end of the bike Parry was 3rd, but then as before, he blundered by missing a turn into transition and started run along wave beaten cape in 4th, a place he held after a good fight. Breakfast was strict Prince Caveman Nutrition Method© with one baracuda, one watermelon, 5 Okinawan beniimo and one carrot, all eaten 3 hours before race. 17 hours before race, Prince and Parry had a go at an 8 year old blended scotch whiskey (above Red Label) for pre-race visualization which proved useful. Prince and Parry are undertaking further research on its performance enhancing properties before a future groundbreaking report on aged blended scotch and triathlon. Prince recommends this race, the spiritual volcano and hails the kind people of Miyakejima, although he did read that locals feasted on the ubiquitous wild cats, and was disappointed not to find on offer at his ryokan hotel.

Prince Top Triathlon Tip: HIGH VELOCITY PISSING and MONEY

2010-08-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

The debonair poodle Coach Prince (above) undertook a Port-a-Loo use count at the Izu Oshima Olympic Triathlon 2010. His survey elucidated that about 7% of participants (over a season of triathlons, a majority of athletes), rather than pissing at high speed wasted time (an average of 167 seconds) at the Portoloo in either T1 or T2 transitions. The folly as Prince states is that some of the same athletes had purchased Y500,000 ($5,000 USD) highly aesthetic bicycle frame sets to save them 60 seconds (wind tunnel estimates); Y200,000 aero wheels to save 90 estimated seconds, cumulatively Y4,666 ($50 USD) for every Olympic distance second saved (total cost/second saved) . A pissing stop (167 secs) is a scandalous pissing waste of cash at market rates of $50 per second totaling $8,500 USD. Those who say they do not piss at events should be pissing says Prince, if you drink enough to optimize performance on bike, sometime around T2 is normal, even with use of salt tablets. As a macho marking super poodle, Prince pisses around 60 times a day and is a global authority on marking method, marking placement feng sui and marking morality. The art of execution is teaching your inner urinary muscles to execute at high cadence and in aero position during high speed running, swimming and cycling. On bike, pissing at over 33 KM/H ensures clean bike and maximizes impacts on rear drafters. It takes 5 minutes practice every week. In Prince’s soon to be released book (Prince: Puppy to Demigod) under the chapter, Fast Bikes Stink, he outlines: the ethics of pissing to break up drafting cyclists; marking rival’s bike chain sets in T2 set-up (Prince was reprimanded at a Motegi race for this very offence); and, how to optimize piss by using a power meter. The book also comes with a pissing at Kona free supplement. Free extracts from book are on this site from time to time, for instance, please see extract labelled Lazy Bastards. 2 pictures above is Oshima swim start and prince waiting to observe lead swimmers` habits as they lead into Transition 1 (T1).

Prince Sports Science: Carbo Load on Red Wine and Not Pasta!!!

2010-08-14T06:12:00.000-07:00

Prince in July 2010 made a marvelous speculation in his bike and podering room (above). He reviewed 3 years of his athlete’s (Parry’s) training and nutrition log to discover that Parry’s personal best times and breakthrough training sessions were made following lavish red wine evenings. Prince postulated in Popper-esque fashion whether fine claret could actually, no matter how ridiculous it could sound, be a better pre-race carbohydrate source than pasta? An experiment started and over the following 5 days, Parry under Coach Prince guidance trained 11 hours on a set measured training program with a set nutritional intake. He rested on the 6th day, but during the early evening of the 6th day drunk 1.5 bottles of Chateau Mouton Rothschild 2006 (not a vintage year). A binge yielding 1470 calories of energy. This was accompanied by no other carbohydrate source, but lavish amounts of uni and ikura sashimi seafood for protein and omega 3 fatty acids. On the next day, 7th day, Parry ran 10 x 800M at Oda field athletics track Tokyo in 31 C during early evening. His average 800M time was 2 mins and 43 secs.

Parry then undertook a 2nd week mimicking the previous 7 days in terms of training/nutrition but with one exception in nutrition. The change in nutrition concerned consuming a large portion of pasta, diligently measured to 1,470 kcals of energy on the 6th day and no Mouton Rothschild. This was a direct substitution of pasta for the claret wine. The average 800M time was 2 mins and 57 secs during the same time of day, temperature and wind conditions. A whopping 14 seconds or 11% slower with pasta than with red wine under controlled conditions.

Prince urges others to try fine wine sources of carbohydrate and to share performance and wine tasting notes with him. Coach Prince contends the anti-oxidants, tannins and mind visualization benefits allow for outstanding legal enhancing benefits. Similar tests done on mice yielded similar results in 2006 and published by New Scientist periodical. Anthropological research by Prince also concludes that the paleotheic man also enjoyed red wine and that under an influential sports nutritional school of thought known as the "Prince Cavemanism”, red wine indulgence is encouraged. Exact breakdowns of splits, Polar heart rate data, nutrition and set weekly training is available to leading researchers seeking to replicate or falsify this devastatingly brilliant hypothesis.

PRINCE RACE REPORT: Prince Athlete Chris Parry Takes Overall 3rd Place at Tateyama Triathlon

2010-07-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

Sublime Poodle Coach Prince does it again as CP (Parry) podiums with overall 3rd at the Tateyama Triathlon, Chiba, Japan on Sunday 11th July. There were 100 participants for the 25.75km race and only one coached by a Poodle. Prince’s CP was 16^th out of the swim section using the Prince Paddle Immersion Method©, 4^th by end of bike portion thanks to the Prince Aero Pose Position© (wind tunnel tested), and then just 12 seconds behind 2^nd place using the Prince Zen Forefoot Stride Method©. For more information on this competitive point ranking Japan Triathlon Union race, please click here: http://tate-tra.com/index.html. For CP splits to 3rd overall, and all results click here. Prince stated: “I contend there is only one triathlon poodle like me a millennium”. Prince also said he is indebted to the Prince Director of Triathlon Paul Flueron, a world authority. On the race execution, Prince said CP crushed the technical bike course and run (5k in 20 mins) portions, but navigated like a jet ski with no driver in the open water swim (750 m in 12 mins). Below pictures are of podium and CP with Japan's pro celebrity triathlete Yu Yumoto who took 2nd place in the other race (41.5km) that day. Yumoto shared his pre-race dinner with Prince at Prince's local Ebisu Korean nabe shop, and also credits Prince for his sterling result. More pictures to follow. CP's own race report is here.

Prince News: ADIDAS ATTACK and PRINCE ONLINE ADVICE FORUM

2010-05-26T23:41:00.000-07:00

WICKED ADIDAS: Prince urges Team Prince and all who follow the Prince exemplar to ban Adidas. In complete caveman cannibalistic barbarity, a poodle-fur tracksuit (above) was recently launched by the circumspect German company (Adidas). It is obviously a Brussels/Frankfurt inspired European Union attack using Adidas against all things Poodle and Prince. The origin of this assault may have festered as a result of Prince singlehandedly damaged the Italian economy by removing his “Prince” endorsement to the "Pinerello Prince" elite racing bicycle (see previous posting on Pinerello). Pinerello is Italy’s dominant or only exporter. This has devastated sales of the "Pinerello Prince" bicycle in Prince’s sphere for triathlon theoretical dominance that includes: Japan (excluding Kansai), Saipan, the Sandwich Islands and Tanzania. Picture below, is Prince mauling down a random innocent Adidas fashinoista pedestrian he spotted wearing a poodle tracksuit. Prince later blamed the overly vicious attack on his raw liver diet as induced by the Caveman Diet for Athletes he adheres to (click link on Prince's Caveman Diet).

PRINCE ON-LINE FORUM LAUNCHED: Prince, the genius French poodle, a poodle of hardened Spartan brilliance and pedigree, not your typical vain surrender cheese poodle from France, has been poodle chosen and invited by the running establishment in Tokyo to be their adviser regarding advanced triathlon strategy. This program starts with a Prince Q&A discussion forum on their website “Running In Tokyo”. Please sign in to the Poodle’s advanced forum here

PRINCE TOP NUITRITIONAL REVIEW: The Caveman Diet and its Dangers

2010-05-12T00:49:00.001-07:00

Prince recommends with caution the above book (top): The Paleo Diet for Athletes by a great triathlon coaching legend, but a coach who more recently has become a dangerous lunatic cannibal. His name is Joe Friel.

The Paleo Diet is a nutritional plan based on the ancient diet of wild plants and meats that various dogs and their cavemen habitually mauled and devoured during the brutal Paleolithic—a cannibalistic fleshy period characterized by poodle supremacy of about 2.5 million years duration that ended around 10,000 years ago with the development of agriculture and the invention of the dog leash. Prince`s hypothosis is that Friel’s (a triathlon coach`s) anthropological over study of this period made him overly ravenous for red meat and later insane.

However Friel, in the early part of his book is able to explain beautifully and succinctly how such “original man/dog” foods (pre agriculture and animal domestication) help athletic performance. Unfortunately, then the book meanders on unnecessarily, distorted by Friel`s possible dependence on beef jerkie and months living in a gooseberry bush, through 370 pages of nonsense: on topics such as cavedog family values, that man descended from gowa fruit, and why Hello Kitty and friends need to be ethnically cleansed from America. By the end of the book, Friel has become unstable, rabid and unstoppable as he advocates an irrevocable modern and violent return to Amazonian style cannibalism as described in his favorite 1980 film Cannibal Holocaust (right). Friel at an unknown location (above left)

Prince therefore summarizes the diet’s key points succinctly together with his views. Thanks to Prince there will be no need for anyone to ever risk their sanity and family`s safety by buying or reading this disturbing, but at times brilliant work. Prince`s unabridged summary on Friel’s nutritional advice for athletes less his savagery and witchcraft is below:

1. Eat as much lean meat (pref. fish and chicken) as you wish for protein. Picture right is a famous Paleolithic woman (Princess Mononoke) riding white poodle while hunting forest baby meat.

2. Eat no bread, no pasta and no bad carbs generally

3. Instead of bad carbs, enjoy vegetables, fruit, roots, and nuts for carbohydrate intake, and eat as much as you wish.

4. Dedicate your life to excluding all grains, legumes, dairy products, salt, refined sugar, and processed oils (no exceptions)

5. Prince’s modification of Friel's diet is red wine consumption. Prince’s anthropological research has clearly identified red wine on cave wall drawings as drawn by cavemen who clearly drank red wine and probably a bottle a day.

6. The result for Prince and his athletes is weight loss, muscle gain, instant recovery from workouts, ability to train up to 15 hours a week without breakdown, crushing performances over rivals, an inability to stop boasting, and magical red wine induced race visualization and imagery.

For those who do wish to read book in full, please be warned. Prince like Friel has developed a sudden desire for fresh red meat without care for those living beings in close vicinity. Only last evening CP was awoken to find the great poodle gnawing flesh from his open cycle wound.

On a pleasant final note, Paleo dishes are also delicious. Picture above is Prince together with celeb Chef Gordon Ramsey donning a Cordon Bleu apron and preparing a caveman compliant Filet Mignon salad; one to be washed down by a superb Lafitte Bordeaux '97.

PRINCE RACE REPORT: HONOLULU TRIATHLON 2010: THE PRINCE BITE

2010-05-10T17:50:00.000-07:00

Below is one of my triathlon student’s (CP’s) race report on his 2010 Honolulu Triathlon (unabridged by me Prince):

My poodle coach Prince was not in Honolulu. He remained in Tokyo, as he put it: “ to work with his publisher on his advanced triathlon theory book: “THE PRINCE: PUPPY to DEMIGOD.” I thought this was a good thing as am totally sick of this poodle, especially his moping around the house all day, pontificating about finishing his book, a book I have seen only 270 scrappy words of in a year (this fragment was the one the poodle posted on his webpage titled “Lazy Bastards”). Ironically it is he the idle Poodle who sleeps all day, every day, while I go to office for 9 hours and when I return the poodle has not once even emptied the dishwasher. He has never, not even once gone to the supermarket. His so called caveman diet has increasingly centered on Mignon based steak tartar, the finest cuts of fatty tuna sashimi, and he eats truffles whole as if cherry tomatoes. The diet is a financial burden indeed. He is so selfish.

Anyhow, unfortunately and ironically, without this troublesome celebrity poodle who acts as my personal Director of Triathlon, my pre-race day preparation became a poodle's breakfast of stresses in exotic Honolulu. My CO2 air capsules for race punctures were grabbed by Hawaiian natives at the airport who said they were subversive but who later used for themselves as necklace beads. While vexed by a missing titanium bike nut (which also probably became a bead), I was induced into a chocolate covered Macedonia nut binge. All this culminated in a bloody and nasty bicycle collision with a 7 year old skateboarding punk who’s sister threatened to put a screwdriver through my neck. Portrait above left is masterpiece titled “Death of Captain Cook on Honolulu Waikiki Beach”. Incidentally he was attacked while trading beads.

I started the race in a state of Macedonian nut bloatation, and a little pain, for my bandaged skateboarder wounds rubbed against a tighter than usual wetsuit. My instructions from Prince were swim sprint 300M from beach-start and draft off a pack of faster swimmers. “Use all means necessary to get to that pack including angle biting, ducking, kicking and spitting” the poodle ordered. My girlfriend, Nene’s instructions were to the contrary: “enjoy the swim, count how many types of colored fish you can spot and I will pass you a cup of tea and a biscuit in the bike transition area.” My race anticipation was confused to say the least, and visibility was poor, I panicked in the dark water. There were no fish, but around 700 giant sting ray-esque flapping bodies, kicking and punching me in pitch dark brown water. I recalled the national funeral of the hero akin to the great Captain Cook, Steve Irwin who was slain by a stingray. I started hyperventilating. Should I leave the race? I treaded water and yoga breathed for some minutes. It was then the Poodle spoke his mantra to me: “USE THE BITE…USE THE BITE”….

I bite the water, I bite feet, I felt I was swallowing some of those giant Stingrays after biting them as well. I started swimming very well. From there on, there is little I can remember, but I did bite-up some insects on the bike as well, which one does when averaging 39km an hour. Overall was 2 hours and 24 mins.

1.5k Swim: 30 mins

40 k Bike: 1 hour and 5 mins

10 K Run: 44 mins.
A Nice PB and thanks super Coach Prince for the matra! More on race mind games and use of Prince Mantras tailored to any sporting difficulty to be released in Prince's new book.

PRINCE NEWS: Prince to Coach Team PrincePari for the 1st Antarctic Ice Triathlon

2010-04-19T02:02:00.000-07:00

Video (bottom) is set during a sudden surprise miracle, yet horrific Spring blizzard attack across Tokyo in mid April; a time when temperatures should be quasi tropical. The blizzard was in fact so hard that Prince's face was bleeding after video interview. However, the miserable wretched freezing bitter polar temperature was also a dashing opportunity for Prince to announce plans on video to coach CP and others from the prestigious Team PrincePari to dominate the 1st Antarctic Ice Triathlon in 2011. Price's pedigree is excellent in polar regions having had the excellent idea to coach Mark Parnell in a refrigerated warehouse in 2009 for the Antarctic Ice Marathon. Parnell even tually took 3rd place overall. Prince states that he relishes enjoying the triathlon swim portion from spectator powerboat in his new goose feather pink polar jacket (above).

Bizarrely in the same below interview video, the Japanese in the park at same time seem to have welcomed this horrific polar-esque weather in absurd fashion; having relaxing picnics, and washing down umeboshi rice balls with dry sake. Prince is now without any doubt that Oscar Wilde's succinct contention that "the whole of Japan is a pure invention. There is no such country, there are no such people...." is correct, but acknowledges some further advances in metaphysical scientific philosophy are required to validate Japan's complete absurd non existence beyond all doubt.

RACE REPORT: CP in Saipan Tagaman Long Distance Triathlon

2010-04-15T02:05:00.000-07:00

PrincePari athlete CP (above) takes 3rd place in age group at the Saipan Tagaman Triathlon, but overall was well down the field and unable to compete with the 40 or so professionals competing for USD $100,000s. Prince stated that: the South Korean teams were so greedy for the cash that they drafted like a gang of traveling meerkats having overdosed on ginseng and scandalously went un-penalized by the judges. CP did however come away with a super dashing picture while visualizing the course to "the Final Countdown" song at sunrise. The picture was taken by the organizer KFC (nothing to do with chicken and a Colonel) and will soon be sported in Triathlon Trip magazine. Coach Prince will now be revising CP’s pre-race nutrition which as per scientific evidence has historically involved a bottle of Claret (8 hours before) and 1000MG of caffeine 2 hours before. Prince stated the result was disappointing and maybe CP needs more red wine loading but 18 hours before event. If anyone other than a multisport geek cares, the splits on a mountainous windy course in 29 degrees Centigrade were: 2,000M swim (39 mins), 60 KM bike ride (1 hour and 58 mins) and 15k run (1 hour and 15 minutes). Sam Gardner of the UK, an athlete not yet trained by Prince took 1st place. Prince wishes to add to his 2 athletes and welcomes Sam and others to join Team PrincePari. CP at medal ceremony for 3rd place in age group (right).

RACE REPORT: Pissing Incident and Disqualification from 6th Place at Honda's Motegi Race

2010-04-11T22:29:00.000-07:00

PrincePari trained athlete CP took 6th place out of the 100 athletes participating in the Motegi Duathlon but was then shamelessly disqualified. The Duathlon consisted of a 5k run, a 30k bike ride and a finish with a 5k run. This was on Saturday 10th April and at Honda’s state of the art F1 car racing circuit (left). CPs splits were run 21 minutes; bike 49 minutes and run 23 minutes. After shameless gloating about the near podium result vis-a-vis his team mates from team Venga Venga, he was ruthlessly disqualified for going outside an island pit lane marker on the bike track rather than inside. It is clear the time gained /lost would not have affected the 6th place. CP stated that he was so preoccupied in the starting preparation area with stopping his Coach Prince from his determined effort to mark all of CP’s competitor’s bikes with piss, that he failed to read the course instructions diligently minutes before the start. Prince confirmed that he did piss on at least 77 of the other competitors bikes and that he does have a problem with compulsive marking, but the reason for CP not understanding the course was not due to this, but the overly complex Japanese Kanji vocabulary and grammar used by Honda’s infamously right wing race directors in the directions to conspire against anyone not Japanese born winning.” Honda have not commented on this poodle’s advanced cynical theorizing, but the bike pissing incidents by CP’s coach may have been enough for his disqualification alone. “A pissed on bike is not a fast bike” as even quoted from Prince’s soon to be published treatise: Prince- Puppy to Demigod under the chapter and ignored taboo subject, When and When Not to Piss Yourself Racing? Others were also disqualified for same error as CP, and they blamed the distraction on the ubiquitous pit lane girls from sponsor companies (example above). On the way home Prince met this sponsor girl for shampoo that was so silly she had a tube of Loreal Conditioner sticking out of her head.

PRINCE NEWS: Prince is Not an Overgrown Hamster * Prince's Website has been attacked by Serbians * New Logo Revealed.

2010-03-12T00:24:00.000-08:00

Prince is terribly vexed. For whoever keeps logging-in and writing comments saying that Prince is not a triathlon super poodle but an overgrown geek Hamster have ruined it for everyone as Prince has now retaliated by suspending the ability to post comments on this site.

Also for some strange reason, an apparent gang of overly competitive triathletes and skilled attack computer hackers from Serbian and North Korean I.P. addresses have damaged the PrincePari website. Prince has tried to fix but resultantly only a few posts can be seen on the main page at a time now and to see older posts, one has to click on link called “older posts” at bottom of the page. Prince’s IT people are pursuing. Prince apologizes.

Famous Tokyo macho bad boy model, Japanese B-television drama punk gaijin actor, and now surprisingly dangerously chic advertising creative, and ace runner; Jack Woodyard has finalized the Le Prince sporting couture line brand Logo. The logo will first be used with the PrincePari Elite Racing Team at the Honolulu Triathlon this May. Thanks Jack, and I Prince will be posting on your illegally performance enhancing Zen meditation method soon.

Check out my Prince birthday poodle haircut. I was really happy about the cut and not sulking. By the way, and for the record, rodent hair, even that of the Long Haired Syrian Hamster cannot be styled in such a quintessentially poodle manner. Therefore no doubts about my pedigree are possible.

PRINCE TOP TRAINING TIP: The Night Open Water Swim with Container Ships

2010-03-10T23:30:00.000-08:00

Once you have learned to swim using the Prince Method and not the "stupid idiot" technique known as Total Immersion (see below on Prince’s method vs Terry Loughlin’s TI Method 12/09), competitive open water swimming then becomes all about “navigation, navigation and navigation”. Prince compels you to undertake a weekly 3,000 meter pitch black night swim around your local container port. In the dark water you pick up and learn a bat-esque mental positioning skill system to navigate between way-points, thus perfect for triathlon buoy to buoy swim preparation. Prince recommends his local Odaiba Container Port as generally there are a lot of drift items such as old nets and floating diesel cans that act as if the usual triathlon entanglement with other swimmers. Luckily the only boats which can get in your way are large ships which wash you off the bow with a significant wake wave and thus it is impossible to be run over and sliced up by a propeller the size of a small motorway service station. For this reason, ignore the ships, use the new swimming MP3 player made by Finus, stay in your endorphin trance music zone, and enjoy only the sudden surprise opportunities of body surfing down a steel hull from time to time. It is like being hit by a freak wave in every triathlon. According to founder of “the Lets Swim at Night with Container Ships Concept”, Prince trained athlete Jiro Kashiwagi comments: "one can also take comfort that the Japanese custom of whale and mammal harpooning is banned in ports". Never carry a marker light with you as this is contrary to international maritime treaties which states that only ships and land hazards can be illuminated. Once you have mastered the mental radar you will find on race day that you will never have to use TI’s “sighting” method (head raising to see buoys) again, saving you an estimated 176 seconds on a 1500M open water course. "Sighting is very anti hydrodynamic as one sinks and stops dead in water" the great poodle states. Above pictures are looking towards Tokyo from Odaiba container terminal, Tokyo; (left top) is Prince and CP in wetsuits waiting for pitch black, and (right bottom) is Prince and CP later that night, completely unseen swimming across a shipping lane. Prince concludes: "it seems as if you will die in the shipping lane, but the bastards just are no match for the Prince Method - go for it...."

SHOCKING PRINCE RESEARCH: Cats Prove Faster than Dogs in Unique Wind Tunnel Experiment

2010-03-07T20:55:00.002-08:00

Coach Prince Pari, the exceptionally clever triathlon poodle recently rented Subaru’s Gunma prefecture Yen 117,000 per hour wind tunnel to relish how much faster and aerodynamic he, a majestic poodle is, than his arch enemy, Kitty (‘a pathetic iriomote-shima mountain cat’). Picture (below) is of Kitty lashed to handlebars behind a cocksure Prince. Using Prince's time trial bike, Prince was shocked that Kitty’s personal cycling tuck position had a coefficient of CD.0734 less (i.e. quicker) than Prince’s aero tuck. This means Kitty would be approximately 137 seconds faster with same leg power (wattage) output over a 40 km bicycle time trial race. Prince was gutted and will now not be publishing the results in his new book “Prince: Puppy to Demigod”, under the chapter: “Poodles are Spartans” as his stupid master forgot to cut his claws before the experiment. Prince stated, “my claws were bleeding due to wind drag obstruction and one paw nearly blew off completely, and the only scientific finding from the test I Prince would give to athletes is if you (humans) don’t cut your nails on race day it could take 15 minutes off your 40km time trial potential and your whole hand risks blowing right off!” Subaru responded that: “our wind tunnel is not dangerous at the wind speeds of up to 43 km/h (or even 2 x that) which Kitty and Prince experienced”. A source close to the great poodle stated: "Kitty will not be appearing on Prince's website again, and clearly a good manicure could be the difference between a podium finish, and a DNF in a casualty ward as an accidental turbulence amputee ".

PRINCE NEWS: Prince Reveals Plans for Electrically Fast, Post Modern, Triathlon, Sporting Couture Line“LE PRINCE”

2010-02-02T18:10:00.001-08:00

Coach Prince Pari has allowed some of his fusion Zen-Lolita Punk-Araki artistic vision to embrace his own sportswear label to be called “le Prince”. In below video Prince models himself at launch in a “le Prince” track suit with hood that sports; his “to be” renowned two stripes, and le Prince gothic calligraphic logo, in a Mazda sports car, with two J chicks, under mount Fiji on New Year’s Day 2010. His next piece is to be a Le Prince couture, wind tunnel tested, aerodynamic tear drop sculpted, light weight carbon fiber running skirt with matching sports aero bra, both sporting the “to be” renowned Two Stripes of Prince logo. Prince states: “Prince is not retro, because Prince is today’s unique zeitgeist of fashion, and the embodiment of a poodle epoch of fast aero clothing that will make athletes run like a typhoon.” Prince fan Yuko Ogura (right) is gaging to model. Colliers Halifax in Tokyo are currently searching for his flagship Kiosk in Shibuya.